


Long Shot

by Hawkgay



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Everyone Needs Hugs, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Not Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Compliant, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Resurrection, well sorta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-12 07:10:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5657314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawkgay/pseuds/Hawkgay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the world gains more gifted people, the avengers run into one of the groups containing them. finding out SHIELD still exists and headed by a dead person leaves Clint in freefall. facing up to his past regrets from the battle of New York. he realizes that for the best marksman in the world he'd missed a target by not even trying to take the long shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have rewritten this three times before liking the general gist of the story. it's unbeta'd and there will be mistakes, I'll fix them as I see them. if things don't make sense just comment and I'll correct it. my brain is a jumbled mess of brain issues. title from the song Long Shot by Kelly Clarkson

Standing on a fire escape close to Avengers tower Clint watched as a young girl in a jersey dress walked into rush hour traffic, ice radiated out on each footstep she took. The squeal of tires and cars crashing filled the air. The fear in her seemingly being forced out in the form of ice, spikes started to pierce the stationary vehicles making passengers flee for safety. Well Jarvis had said there was an emergency situation happening near the Tower, he hadn't been wrong but all the Avengers could really do is contain it. The amount of gifted people turning up had increased an alarming rate, this would be the fifth incident this month. Out of nowhere a dark haired girl had appeared, wearing something reminiscent of the old SHIELD tac suits with gauntlets on the arms. She crept closer to the girl he had nicknamed Elsa, impressively unfazed by the ice. In Clint's ear the buzzing got louder, while he loved the avengers they could be quite annoying over the comms barring Natasha. Clint maybe biased on that, he still missed the calm trusting voice of Coulson and Nat at least understood.

 

“Can everyone please shut up, I am trying to watch the show and how it ends,” after a few protests blessed silence replied back.

 

Things looked like they were ending, Elsa seemed calmer and the ice had receded a little. Then a flash of movement caused by Cap evacuating civilians spooked her. A hail of long ice spears erupted around her. Unluckily Gauntlets was in the radius, when it looked like she would be hit she put her arms up, for a moment nothing happened and then the ice fell into chunks on the ground. Well you see something new everyday, out of earshot Gauntlets asked Elsa something. The frightened girl looked at the destruction she had wrought and nodded. Popping out of a nearby alley a blond guy took Elsa's hand and led her back to the alley. Once out of sight a whitish box rocketed into the sky to who knows where. The comms had begun buzzing again during the standoff, as he had been ignoring them he paid attention way too late. Stark had tranquilized the girl and took her back for interrogation.  


 

It felt pretty shitty locking the girl in the Tower's state of the art holding cell. Too much like gawking at a circus attraction for Clint's tastes. In all honestly the girl had done them a favour, wherever Elsa had gone would be better than the government sanctioned response units. Through the two way mirror the girl started to fight her bindings.

 

“Tony how big a dose were in those sedatives,” Bruce calmly started looking through some of the data Jarvis had compiled.

 

“Er like enough to lay out a normal person for eight hours.”

 

“it's on been two and her body has flushed them out of her system, she is definitely not all human,” flicking through various scans Bruce found what he was looking for “there are unidentifiable changes in her DNA, we need to ask her for the whole story.”

 

Steve nodded and went into the adjoining room. His kindness and puppy dog eyes could bowl over the hardest of people. As he tried to get the questioning started the girl just stared at him blankly. Clint tried to remember an old colleague that had acted the same way in interrogation, her name escaped him. Whenever Steve pushed the girl she gave back vague answers and carefully avoided anything incriminating. On a hunch Clint checked the heart monitor, it sat at a steady eighty beats per minute, who ever trained her had known old SHIELD tactics. Casually she gave her name as Daisy and an assurance she wasn't HYDRA.

 

Jarvis interrupted to give results of the facial recognition software. “Sir I am afraid according to all databases I have access to she legally does not exist.” for an AI he could mimic apologetic perfectly.

 

“that's not possible, she's right there looking bored out of her skull. She must have left a paper trail and ID is needed for anything fun nowadays.” Tony pawed through the results, only grainy footage and blurry photos, nothing concrete revealed it self.

 

Clint gave an apprehensive glance to Natasha, something didn't feel right. Everyone minus Tony and Bruce were in battle gear. The Iron man suit easily removed and the Hulk hadn't been needed. Tracing the curve of his bow Clint faded into thought, going through the many faces of SHIELD he had met in his career, the gentle feel of the well known weapon helped.

 

Brought back with a bump Clint heard the girl say something of interest. “you're not going to believe me but I work for SHIELD, my team will be looking for me and I am pretty sure they will break in here to get me,” when Steve used an unconvinced expression she continued on. “fine if you don't trust me ask Romanoff and Barton about agent May.”

 

Clint seized up, May had been Coulson's partner years ago. She had been scarily calm all the times he'd met her and had been an ex specialist to boot, last he'd heard she still worked for admin. Natasha grasped his hand and a reassuring squeeze, locking him in place. They both knew if May was involved things were not going to be easy.

 

Steve quickly finished the interview, as he came in he locked the door and leant on it. A piercing gaze bore into both assassins. “Who is agent May and how do you know her?” Steve's tone low. Before Clint could build the courage to say the hallway door burst open. A very familiar face stalked in followed by Maria Hill.

 

“Release the girl, she's SHIELD. May has also refused to wait until you finish with her as she is needed elsewhere.” Hill's voice sounded exasperated, her face being the one she used when trying to wrangle the Avengers. May started to have a staring contest with the entire room.

 

“Sorry but there are several unanswered questions, like who's running SHIELD, why that girl has powers,” Tony pointed at Daisy and ranted on “and where the fuck did you take that other girl.” Clint had to give it to Stark, he stood up to both Hill and May without knowing that pissing the latter off ended with paralysis or death. In Clint's peripheral vision he saw Bruce leaving the room, good things were bad enough without the Hulk.

 

In a monotone May began speaking “I came for my agent, not to deal with Avenger temper tantrums. Release her or I will go get her myself.” the ending threat implied. Most people never challenged her but Natasha wasn't most people.

 

Invading the other woman's space Natasha growled out “Who is running SHIELD?”

 

Clint knew he should diffuse the situation but curiosity got the best of him. May had still been in the admin department last time he'd seen her. The whole agency recognized her on sight, rumours of her exploits permeated SHIELD. Even the newest agents spoke of the Cavalry in awe. Coulson had told him to never mention that nickname to May's face if he wanted to keep living.

 

“Tell me the truth May, who is the new Director?” Nat's voice sounded desperately near breaking point. Hill turned her to May and gave a quizzical head tilt, with a nod May agreed.

 

“Please understand that under Fury's orders none of you were supposed to know. Especially Barton and Romanoff.” it almost seemed like May was apologising. The words washed over him, Clint's insides turned into a mess of knots. He failed at bracing himself for the incoming admission.

 

“Coulson's alive,” May admitted quietly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning descriptions of a corpse 
> 
>  
> 
> originally going to be two chapters but merged them since they were too short.

Shit hit the fan after that. Tony cursed out spy organizations and conspiracies. Natasha looked like she was weighing up the pros and cons of fighting Melinda “the Cavalry” May. Steve had gone into severely disappointed mode. Clint felt his world stop, he bolted out the room. Spending a tense elevator ride trying to not have a panic attack and failing. Getting off on his floor Clint went directly to the little nest he'd built, somewhere small and comfortable for when he had a bad day. Finally he let guilt take him over, three fucking years later and it still haunted him, time had made it easier to deal with. Now with only two words the pain had come back full force. The death of Coulson had been Clint's biggest obstacle, no matter what anyone said he had helped hammer the nails into his ex-handler's coffin. Mind control or not those thoughts had stayed.

 

A few days after the battle Clint had gone to the morgue to face and accept the truth. Lying on a metal table sat Coulson's body, it almost looked like the man was sleeping. The illusion broken by the catastrophic hole from Loki's spear. Clint's eyes were drawn to look at it closer, sickeningly he could see the table underneath. Taking in a couple of deep breaths Clint clasped one of Coulson's cold, unmoving hands. Distantly he felt tears form in his eyes.

 

“I had to see the truth for myself, I thought Nat had been joking when she told me. When I realized she was serious it hit like a fuck ton of bricks. You're dead, Nat's gone and I'm left over like a spare fart in an ass factory.” Clint tried to smile, his eyes gave him away. “we spent so many years together and I never had the courage to say how I felt. I'm in love with you, have been for ages. So long that it feels like living. All I can do is to try and move on.” he kissed Phil's forehead as tears dripped down his cheeks, “Goodbye Sir, I'll try and not get into too much trouble without you around.” Clint left the room and never looked back.

 

He jumped from six months in psych to going straight back into active duty. Deliberately picking missions that were dangerous and solitary. Trying to ignore the hollow feeling in his chest. Over the three years it dulled somewhat but the pain stayed, only a throb left to even acknowledge that Clint's world was wrong. The world kept spinning, even if it lost its colour the day the Chitauri invaded.

 

Hearing footsteps Clint waited for Natasha to come in. She sat down in front of him before talking. “you missed all the fun, May tried to bypass Steve. He resisted and May kicked the legs out from under him. The look on his face when he realized I'm not the only one who can floor him was priceless.” She skirted round the issue, trying to spare Clint's feelings while appreciative it wasn't what he wanted. “after that Tony got scared and released Daisy then took them to the lounge.”

“Don't sugar coat things Nat, tell it to me straight,” his voice came out harsher than he meant.

She gave him a doubtful look, “May wouldn't tell me much, only a experimental procedure brought him back. Fury forced him to not to contact us. She hinted that whatever was used screwed him up enough to obey orders.” staring into her eyes Clint saw only a tiny bit of the upheaval going on inside both of them.

 

“Fucking Fury, I saw his body Nat, the spear went right fucking through his heart. Guessing Coulson is the new Director, the only person Fury would let take over. Did May mention at all what he had been doing the past few years, like when SHIELD fell?” Anger burned through him, better than the sorrow or worse the relief.

 

“I know Clint, I'm pissed at Fury too. May told me that Coulson got a team and became the first response to the weird incidents. Past that May refused to answer me. Told us we could go ask the man himself.”

Slowly he digested the information, a lot of things were left blank. The mystery had piqued Clint's interest and the hope of absolution called to him. If Coulson could forgive him maybe just maybe it would dissolve the guilt. As he stood up he put out a hand to Natasha, helping her off the ground.

“I think we need to go tell off our ex-handler” he gave a pained grimace and tried to keep his tone light and failing. Natasha nodded in agreement, together like always they were going to face the past.

 

 

Boarding the Quinjet after spending the last few hours listening about the inhumans came as a relief. Checking the cockpit the waterfall of blonde hair gave away who piloted the plane, Bobbi had always been more Natasha's friend then his. Them two getting together, especially over drinks meant destruction. After several incidents the last one involving monkeys had got them banned from consuming alcohol on all SHIELD property. Without turning she started to yell at them.

 

“Barton, Natasha long time no see. Heard over the radio where the pickup was and came to get you myself.” flipping a few switches she continued on “guess you heard about Coulson, wondered when that would come out.”  


Natasha looked indecisive, unable to choose between keeping Clint company or catching up with her friend. Clint motioned with his hand for to sit with Bobbi. She gave him a smile and took up the co-pilot chair. That left him at a loose end, the hull of the plan fell into an aura of unease. May had sat far away from Clint and dutifully ignored him. That left him a chance to appraise the young agent in front of him. Dark hair surrounded her head like a mane, in the depths of her eyes was the same look he had, abandonment issues were a trademark of Coulson's strays. The tac suit she wore seemed more advanced than any of the old ones he'd been assigned back in SHIELD and her gauntlets looked custom made. Daisy nervously tapped her foot as she pretended to be busy with her phone, Clint took it as a sign to talk.

 

“So Daisy, how did you get picked for Coulson's strays squad. I bet I can top it,” he used his most jokey tone, couldn't give the game away yet.

 

“I hacked SHIELD while living in a van, he found me and gave me a chance to look through SHIELD's files for answers on who my family was. Turns out I'm an 084 and my parents destroyed a village and several SHIELD agents trying to find me. The strays you talk about are my family so please don't call them that.” for a moment emotion broke through her conditioning, his situational awareness picked up on low vibrations under foot.  


“Calm down not trying to insult them, it's just the name Fury gave any of Coulson's special cases. Probably down to me, before SHIELD found me I was pretty feral. I ran from Coulson every time he tried to talk to me. Then he got sick of it and shot me in the leg. Ended up signing my papers in medical with armed guards at the door.” Clint chuckled under his breath at that memory. Phil had goaded him into joining. He'd only relented because he wanted to figure out the enigma of Agent Coulson. Daisy relaxed and the floor stopped humming.

 

“wow I did not know Coulson shot Hawkeye”  


“not the first time, probably won't be the last. He nearly shot me again when I brought in Nat. She managed to win him over with her charming personality and warmth.” sarcastically he said. Natasha flipped him off without turning. “How did you know our names?, Nat's famous now but my identity is hidden pretty well.”

 

“Coulson told me if I needed the Avengers help find the two of you and mention agent May. I got the gist from him you were important and stuff. Back before HYDRA I heard Romanoff's name banded around a lot, yours not so much.” Clint hadn’t the heart to tell her that after New York very few agents trusted him.  


“Damn, May you didn't tell your baby agent about Coulson's ex team and I thought we were bros too.” getting under the Chinese agent's skin took a skill Clint had used on multiple ex-handlers. May bristled and took out one of her guns, mechanically she unloaded it, checked the mag and then put it back together. In the world of May, Bobbi and Nat it signalled that if pushed further they would gladly shoot.

 

“wait Coulson had another team, I know he did stuff before the Bus but he just pawns me off with his Agent voice.” oh how adorable the puppy seemed confused.  


Without missing a beat he began to speak “Me and Nat were the original Coulson strays. both of us went through handlers like tissue paper until we got assigned Coulson. Soon after we became the most successful Strike team in SHIELD history. If something needed to be done quietly, accurately and efficiently they sent in Strike Team Delta. Spent years in cramped safe houses, watching and taking bullets for each other. I would have thought he would tell you something about us.” Clint felt cheated, they had been like family once. Something that had meant a lot to him and Coulson chose to sweep it under a rug. Finally had got his answer, Phil had picked SHIELD over his closest friends.  


“Oh the tales I could tell you of us kicking ass, taking names and doing some highly questionable stuff.” Clint began to described some of the adventures they had gone on. Recounting the first time he met Thor after he took out several agents and caused a localised thunderstorm. Nat interrupted.

 

“give it a rest Clint, that story is boring. Thor did funnier shit when he discovered Game of Thrones. And technically I wasn't there, I baby sat Stark that week. Best mission will always be Milan hands down.” she had turned round to see them, a creepy Cheshire cat smile materialized on her face. “Daisy ask about Milan before Coulson has his morning coffee, he will be over joyed to talk about it.” May tried to intervene but she got cut off by Bobbi yelling they were about to land.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning descriptions of project T.A.H.I.TI
> 
>  
> 
> I hope people are enjoying this and I am thankful for any feedback given

 

Surrounding them were the last dregs of SHIELD. Excited chatter filled the room, it had been too long since any loyal agents had been found especially legendary ones. Clint inspected the new headquarters as some faceless agent talked at him about New York. The base seemed to be from just after world war two, probably something Peggy Carter used when she founded SHIELD. Very much Coulson's style. Noting a ventilation system he could explore later Clint found himself being hugged. God he hated those fans, faking a smile he broke off from the crowd and waited for things to calm down a bit. Daisy stood in a corner near that blonde kid from the battle earlier, they were in a whispered argument over something, May cut it off by taking Daisy somewhere else. Before leaving she pointed him and Nat to Coulson's office. The other agents started to trickle out to their normal routine. Nat grabbed Clint's arm and pulled him towards the office. Anxiety and anger filled his gut, staring at the door realizing that on the other side was the person he'd fallen for and helped kill. What if Phil came back different, not being the same person Clint remembered, death may have irrevocably changed the man. Nat snapped him out of it with a sharp kick to one of his shins, Clint yelped. There went the element of surprise, she silently mouthed if he was okay and he nodded. She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, Nat could always tell when he lied. Taking in a few deep breaths he gathered together his courage and gave an apprehensive smile, Natasha returned it.

 

Raising her fist to knock, an inch away from the glass a voice rang out, “I heard Clint cry in pain Natasha, come in already and let's talk.”  


God damn the sound of Phil's voice still rendered him defenceless. Natasha had been the only person to know his feeling towards the Coulson. She found out after he got drunk and spilled his secret, Natasha hadn't used it against him and never made him elaborate. She did spend a few months forcing Clint into boring and cramped situations with nothing but talking to do. Nat abandoned that once nothing happened, instead she became his best friend and adoptive sister. When Clint told her about planning to tell Phil she grinned and shouted “fucking finally.” Then Loki stabbed Coulson through the heart and his confession became an epitaph.  


They both stumbled into the office, Clint looked around sheepishly. One thing at least it looked familiar, on a majority of the surfaces sat Coulson's old spy junk and Cap collectables. Various things hung on the walls, in pride of place was fireman's axe, he wondered about the story behind that. A poke in his back from Nat forced him to face the older man. Coulson looked like shit, huge bags had formed under his eyes and his lips curved into a ghost of a smirk. The only thing out of the ordinary was a missing tie, then Clint realized that Phil's left arm ended in a stump. Before he could react Natasha launched herself over the desk and punched Coulson square in the jaw knocking him over. Grabbing fistfuls of his shirt She growled at him.

 

“We need to talk? You fucking left us mourning your death for three years. While you went gallivanting across the world we picked up the pieces of your apparent death. I took it on myself to tell Audrey what happened, she damn near broke apart.” Natasha pulled Phil closer to her face. “Clint got stuck in psych for six months, no one gave a shit to even try and spring him, I got forced back into duty. You had a new team and we had no one left to trust. You promised to never lie to us and you did.”  


Clint tapped on Natasha's back to stop, even though it felt gratifying to watch Coulson being yelled at, they didn't know how Phil came back to life and the effects. She relented and stalked to one of the chairs in front of the desk, Clint helped the older man up and left to take the other chair. Watching as Phil straightened his suit and sat back down.

 

“I hope you got that out of your system, truly I am sorry-” Clint cut him off.

 

“Sorry isn't going to work this time Sir, I went to the morgue and saw your dead body. The spear went straight through, I could see the bottom of the fucking table. Want to know why I spent so long in psych, the guilt from believing I killed you and the other agents that day. After being allowed back into active duty I took the deadliest missions I could find, hoping that I'd get lucky and die.” Clint spat out the last bit. That revelation hung in the room like lead. Shit Natasha had never known that, anyway might as well keep going. “you died and my family got smaller. I'm now fucking sick of people faking their deaths then lying about it.”

 

“I didn't fake it Clint, I was dead for five days. My medical files can tell you that, Fury went against my wishes and used something horrific to bring me back.” the almost unnoticeable quiver in Phil's voice made it obvious it still affected him. “my memories were messed with and by the time I figured that out months had passed. Fury told me you'd both moved on, I thought it better to leave you the memory of me than the harsh truth of what I became. He lied to not only you but me as well. All I can do is apologise and ask for forgiveness.”  


“That's bullshit and you know it, we spent years together and you thought we'd care that you changed. News flash Loki fucked up my brain and Nat had the Red Room seared into hers, we are kinda experts on that shit. One phone call and both of us would have come running to help you instead you chose a flashy new team of misfits and a retro aerial command centre. Tell us the god damned truth and let us make up our own minds.” Clint expressed in a low tone the anger within. Coming dangerously close to punching Coulson himself, balled into fists, nails dug into his palm to stop himself from doing something stupid.

 

“that's fine, I knew full well when the Avengers found out I'd have to tell the truth. It's tied up with them anyway, all I ask is please do not interrupt me. Don't expect me to give details on all my missions. Some things need to stay confidential.” Coulson waited for the assassins approval, when both of them nodded Phil began talking. “it started with a project I over saw that ran in tandem to the Avengers initiative. A way to resurrect a mortally wounded avenger, T.A.H.I.T.I used tissue from an unknown alien species that had regenerative properties. The side effects were immense and horrific, hypergraphia, aphasia, catatonia to name a few, the only cure being a memory rewrite. I supervised the testing and threatened to resign if it did not shut down.”  


Coulson took out a square box and activated it. Around them holograms came into existence, with a few swipes of his good hand Phil showed them the files of project T.A.H.I.T.I. “I managed to recover some video of the treatments and patient interviews including the ones about me.” with a flick of his wrist a screen popped up. Clint watched transfixed as a scalp-less Coulson had his brain fucked with by a spidery looking machine, when screams of please let me die repeated over and over Clint couldn't take it any more. Doing what he did best, Clint fled from the room, finding the nearest vent he pried the cover off with practised ease and found solace within the depths.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning nightmares due to trauma
> 
>  
> 
> the next chapter may take some time, I keep having everything open to write then procrastinate and not write anything.

He'd found a particularly nice spot of the ventilation system to hide in near the kitchen. Tiredness crept over Clint, today had been hard. Curling up into a ball he let sleep overtake him. He dreamt of Loki, the demi god touching his heart with that infernal spear and brainwashing him. Other things flashed in and out until it came to the helicarrier. In slow motion Clint watched himself attack his fellow agents, noticing the vibrant pools of crimson blood seeping from his fallen comrades. Internally he screamed and tried to stop the massacre, doing everything he could to take back his own body to no avail. The next part of this very familiar dream was always the same, walking towards the holding cell he saw another body ahead of him. Coulson lay dead against a wall, blood staining his normally spotless suit, a gaping hole where his heart should be. Clint knelt down, close enough to see into the dead blue eyes of the one man he'd ever loved, it's when he looked down and discovered the spear in his hand and Phil's blood covering Clint's arms.

 

He woke with a start, a sheen of cold sweat covering his body. Inhaling Clint held his breath for a count of ten then released it. Fuck it had been ages since he had that nightmare, the last time being the day SHIELD fell. Mumbling curse words under his breath until he'd calmed down enough to notice a sweet smell wafting into the vents. Clint's stomach rumbled in the darkness, okay it had been quite a few hours since he ate anything substantial. He shifted slowly to the nearest vent above the kitchen, one of Coulson's science twins had made pancakes. Watching as she left the room he cannibalized one of his grappling arrows. Attaching one end to the vent wall and the other to his belt Clint gently lowered himself down, once he got in reaching distance he grabbed the plate and syrup from the counter. Putting the bottle in his mouth, he used his free hand and feet to climb back up. Once back in his temporary nest Clint messily ate with his hands, liberally squirting the syrup on the fluffy golden pancakes, God he needed to get this recipe off that girl. He half listened as she came back in and started having an argument with her twin.  


“I made them to cheer up Coulson, Fitz. Pancakes don't magically disappear, someone had to have eaten them.” he'd been most of the way through the last bit of food when he'd heard that. Great it had been something made by one of Phil's ultra sweet agents to lift up the Directors mood after Clint was an ass. Before having a chance to drop down and apologise Natasha walked in, she dismissed the other agents and stood below the nearest vent hatch.

 

“I know you're up there Clint, come down now or I will get your ass myself.” Natasha sounded done with the whole situation.

 

Knowing he'd been made Clint opened the vent and jumped down, being careful not to break the plate. Before he got anywhere near, Natasha yelled at him “go wash your hands, we are going to a conference room to talk privately and before you say anything the security cameras will “malfunction” leaving us in peace.”

 

“Yes Ma'am,” he washed his hands, the plate and the now very sticky bottle of syrup. Finishing off Nat grabbed his arm and pulled him through a few corridors then opened a door forcing Clint to enter. The room had a table and chairs stacked in one corner, pretty much a normal SHIELD debriefing set up. For a moment Natasha seemed to keep it together before punching a wall hard enough to dent it. She'd been holding back the floodgates of her own feelings for Clint's sake, guilt swelled in his chest. She had taken both of their pain on her shoulders and to give him a modicum of control, Loki had fucked him up enough to hate lack of control. Stopping her hitting the wall again Clint swept her up in a hug. Stroking Nat's hair he placated her with murmured affections and an apology for being a dick. Tears stained his clothes, wisely he chose to ignore them.  


Muffled by his chest Natasha berated him “both of you are assholes, emotionally constipated ones but assholes nonetheless.”  


“Oh I know you love that about us, we wouldn't be Strike Team Delta without us all being completely fucked up”  


Clint felt her lightly punch his arm before pulling back. Natasha slowly put herself back together into the beautifully deadly assassin he knew and loved. If he hadn't been totally gay or so in love with Coulson, Clint would've kissed her. She gave him a devilish smile before grabbing one his arms, pinning it to his back and then shoving him into the closest wall.  


“you leave me with an emotionally compromised Coulson again and I will break something. Out of the three of us I'm the one who deals with their shit, so deal with you shit Barton or I'll do it for you.” she threatened in his ear, fully willing to go through with it.

 

Pain blossomed from his shoulder, Natasha wouldn't do any lasting damage to his arms. Too important for his bow, the one thing he loved more than anything. Clint mumbled to the wall “that bad huh?”  


“worse actually, let's just say next time I see Fury he's in for a nasty surprise.” Natasha released him from the hold and sat down on the table. Clint chose the floor, his back against the wall. “I'm not going to repeat the story Phil told me after you ran out. It's his to tell and when you're ready ask him. Other than that storming out the room upset him, I managed to talk him out of ambushing you. Explaining that bran manipulation causes you to freak out.” Clint tried to cut in but Nat overrode him. “be glad I didn't tell him the real reason, that thing where you've been in love with the man for years.”  


“I appreciate it Nat, I really do but it's been years. He's has his new base full of agents that will listen to orders and not sass him. I'm just a fucked up ex-agent that only feels okay with a bow in my hand. It's been so long since I last saw him I doubt he is still single. For all I know Phil could have gotten back together with Audrey.”

 

Natasha face palmed and exclaimed in frustration,“Oh my god the pair of you are the densest mother fuckers ever. No wonder I had no luck when I shoved you two into all those missions together. May was right” the last bit directed to herself.

 

“What was she right about Nat?”

 

“Phil's in love with you dumb ass, anyone with working eyes can see that. Fury knew, May knew even fucking Sitwell knew. He believes you are too good for him and the irony is you think the same about him.” Natasha ranted at Clint, body language screaming she was done with their bullshit.

 

Clint looked at her, taken aback by the truth. In all the scenarios he'd run in his mind none of them included Coulson reciprocating his feelings. He'd spent years surrounded by better, smarter people all more compatible for Phil. Clint had spent his life running from things, never facing up to his past demons. The longest thing he'd stuck with was SHIELD and even then Clint's reason was loyalty to Coulson and Natasha. When most of his bridges were burned after New York, Clint had stayed in remembrance to his ex-handler. Then SHIELD fell and he kept going as an Avenger, rushing head first into Ultron. Now the agency still existed and he could repay the debt to Phil and the other fallen agents.  


Flashing a smile he conveyed his plan to Natasha, “I think it's time we got the band back together. Must be something an ex Russian spy and the best marksman in the world could do. If anything we must make sure the new puppies are up to snuff.”

 

She gave him a soft look and agreed. “one of the best ideas you've had in months. I need to have a catch up with Bobbi anyway, she can help us brainstorm ways of testing them over a round of drinks.”  


“Oh god no Nat, last time you “tested” some baby agents they came back traumatized and psych wrote them off for field work.”  


“Shut up Barton, let's go get our jobs back and then you can apologize to the scientist.”  


Clint stood up and stretched, Natasha hooked an arm round his neck. The warm air of camaraderie they swayed out of the room, playfully poking each other. Issues of pain, loss and trust still needed to be sorted before Strike Team Delta got back on track but for the first time in three years Clint felt optimistic.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning Clint gets hurt

This mission should have been an easy one, something the pair of them had done a million times before. Clint was to give cover for Natasha as she found a way into the compound, take down any security in her path, locate the item and get out. Instead they found heavier security than reported and Nat hadn't responded over the comms in thirty minutes. He tried once more to contact her only getting back static, he gave up and went to plan B. Stowing his spare gear Clint climbed down from his perch, he used the same window Nat had to get inside. The room he found himself in had two bodies in the corner and not much else. Checking outside the door he saw the usual destruction Natasha left in her wake, slowly he moved out into the hallway. Following the trail of blood and dead people hopefully towards Nat. the comm in his ear kept picking up random bouts of distortion and static, he fucking hoped it hadn't broken.

 

As he came through a door Clint found himself in a meeting room containing quite a few pissed off mercenaries, all of them in conversation about the damage Natasha had wrought. Before he could flee they noticed him, shooting two of them in the head the rest of them overwhelmed him. Somehow Clint managed to unsheathe his contingency knife and fought with all his strength. Things were a blur of limbs and blows, Clint felt a jab of white hot pain in his side then another in his leg. Biting the guy holding him Clint slipped free and escaped out the door. Running through several corridors until he found a closet to hide in. Barricading the door he took inventory of everything around him, there was no vents he could see and only shelves filled with rudimentary cleaning supplies.

 

Finally he checked the damage to himself, couple of bruises and a wet feeling coming from his side and leg. Clint pulled up his top and found a very deep stab wound, blood oozed from it sluggishly, tearing open a packet of dish clothes he plugged up the hole. His leg was worse, it must have nicked an artery because the blood hadn't lessened. While attending to it the comm buzzed to life.

“Talk to me Barton, what is your location?” the very welcome voice of Phil Coulson came through.

Once Clint was sure the bleeding from his leg had been staunched he replied “I'm in a closet bleeding to death Sir.”

“wait there someone is coming to get you, stay with me Clint.”

Clint vision started to turn hazy, the voice in his ear faded into a hum. He wondered how much longer he had to live, not much probably. Distantly he heard Coulson frantically screaming for Clint to say something. He thought back over the years, of having no home for so long, being found by Phil and him becoming home. All that time spent trying to get Phil's attention by doing some very stupid shit and now he had it. Finally he Clint realized how dumb he'd been, spending years just trying to keep the status quo afraid of Phil leaving if he told him the truth. The hilarious thing was that Phil had died abandoning Clint, using the last of his energy he admitted his feelings over the comms.

“fuck it Sir, pretty sure I'm not coming out of this one, might as well tell you the truth. You've made my life so much better just by being there and when you died a part of me did as well. Thinking back on the years I could've had something and how I wasted them. I love you, always have, always will.” the silence from the comms became unnerving, if the world hadn't begun to turn black he'd give more of a shit. Vaguely he felt someone pick him up and gunfire, not long after unconsciousness took him.

 

 

Holy shit everything hurt, before opening his eyes Clint took stock on his body. Shifting his body a little he felt a taut pull of the stitches in his side, he tried to move his right arm and discovered it in a sling. Clint had no idea when he broke that adrenaline must have masked it, there goes using his bow for a few months. The last thing he noticed was his left leg radiating pain from below his groin. Then Clint remembered that he had told Phil his feelings over an open comm channel and groaned out loud. The bed dipped beside him, opening his eyes to Natasha staring daggers at him. Clint tried to sit up and she pushed him back and started her tirade.

“I swear you spend your life trying to die on me Barton,” shit Natasha only used his last name when extremely pissed. “Coulson found you bleeding out in a supply closet, instead of letting me get you he did himself. The moron got shot saving your ass.”

Clint fought even harder to get up, Nat just held him down more. “what did I say about leaving me with a compromised Coulson, if you weren't in medical I'd follow through with my threat.”

“Guess you and him heard me?”

“everyone heard idiot. Don't even try to run from this, if I didn't think Coulson would find you first I'd be stuck in a long line of people all wanting to kick your ass. Do I make myself clear?”

“Crystal, I'll talk to him after you tell me the damage on both of us?” Clint felt worried, he didn't really care if he got hurt but Phil being injured was an entirely different kettle of fish. Clint refused to consider himself reckless, years of experience taught him the limits his body could go to. The only reason he thought he might die had been the alarming amount of blood staining his clothes and floor. Natasha sighed and released the pressure keeping him down. Carefully Clint moved into a sitting position and removed his IV. The influence of high end painkillers unnerved him, preferring the anchoring effect of pain to the cotton wool feeling in his head. Staring into Nat's eyes and Clint waited for her to answer.

Crossing her arms she began, “you've sustained a broken wrist probably from your fight, a deep stab wound in your abdomen that luckily missed anything major and a viscous cut in your thigh, it nicked your femoral artery and got stitched up on the plane back. A bullet grazed Coulson's arm, he's fine and outside waiting.”

He'd forgotten how sneaky Nat could be, “Is this payback for me charging in, trying to rescue you without telling anyone?”

Natasha's face relaxed, “Yes, now talk to Phil when he comes in while I stall anyone trying to get in.”

“Thanks Nat, I'll do it I promise.”

Natasha gave him a short hug and without glancing back left the room. Well no time like the present to face his ex-handler after confessing he'd been in love with the man for years. Dangling his legs over the side, Clint waited for the gentle throb of pain. Slowly he stood up, the pain bad enough to make him wince, shit that hurt a lot but his stitches seemed to hold. Before even taking a step the door opened and a very  tired Coulson came in. The normally unruffled agent was missing a suit jacket and his shirt sleeves were rolled up, blood stained his clothes in dark red puddles. His face set in a determined scowl, eyes full of worry and pain, making him appear even older than usual. With an exasperated sigh Phil forced Clint back onto the bed and sat on the plastic chair opposite him.

 

“Since Natasha has probably told you off already I'll try to refrain from shouting at you, why did you go into a heavily armed base with no back up and not informing someone?” Phil's voice came out low and dangerous.

Definitely not a time to be flippant, “Nat hadn't answered me for over half an hour, I got worried and after that I honestly didn't think things through.” he didn't use his usual jokey demeanour, Phil could always see right through it.

“Her comm fell out half way through the op, having no means to contact you Natasha went to where you should have been. After finding only the spare equipment she went to the pick up point and notified us that you had gone AWOL.” in a matter of fact tone Phil briefed Clint on what happened. Once that was out of the way the older man deflated slightly and in a much softer voice said “Clint why do you keep trying to get killed when the world needs you, when I need you.”

Oh shit Clint now felt like utter crap, his traitorous mouth started doing the talking for him “I could ask you the same thing, I'm not the only one with a death wish Sir.”

Phil opened and closed his mouth as he worked things out. Once that done he said the next words carefully, “My choice Clint, the world needs the Avengers and that includes Hawkeye not a boring man in a suit.”

why had Clint fallen in love with a man who didn't know his worth and had a penchant of getting mortally wounded. That's right that man was one of the most brave, compassionate and moral person ever. Even if the idiot had no idea that people flocked to him because of those traits. A lot of people would mourn the loss of Phillip Coulson while Clint could only think of a handful of his friends cared if he bit the dust.

“not that special Sir, just a dude with a bow and an ability to not miss. You are the heart and soul of SHIELD, without you it's only a husk. One of the reasons why I fell in love with you,” okay that could have been phrased a better way but Clint blamed it on the medication. For a while an awkward silence sat between them, before Clint could take back his words Phil pressed his mouth against his. The kiss was firm and chaste, a simple brush of lips, he pulled back and leant his forehead against Clint's.

“since you were busy dying on me I guess you didn't hear my side of the conversation over the comms, I love you too.”

“Sorry about that Sir, realized I spent years not rocking the boat that I forgot what I could if I took a chance. You'd already died on me once without telling the truth, now I have a second chance and I'm taking it.”

“we can talk about this more once you've rested and sober. Now lie down.”

“before that can we go back to the kissing, think I've waited long enough.”

this time Clint moved in for the kiss, hesitantly at first, simple and sweet. Then it became heated as Phil deepened it, tongue swiping at Clint's lips to open them, gladly Clint complied. Things got a bit more passionate after that, with Phil's hand finding the archer's ass, Clint moaned into the kiss. Only remembering where they were when Simmons walked in.

“Oh goodness, I am so sorry Sir. I didn't know both of you were occupied. I'll come back later to check on agent Barton.” she squeaked out then promptly left the room.

Clint broke away laughing while Phil looked horrified, “there goes any semblance of respect from my team. Daisy is never going to let me hear the end of this.”

“seeing as no one else will be bothering us, I've noticed since my right arm and your left are completely fucked we own a pair of hands between us. Does that mean we need each other's help to get undressed?” Clint waggled his eyebrows as he asked earning him a push from Phil.

“Mind out of the gutter Barton, long way until you get into my pants. Now sleep, you did recently get stabbed.”

As Clint drifted off back into unconsciousness, he smiled. Even though there were a lot of unanswered questions and years between them but with Phil by his side his world felt complete.

  
End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this is pretty much finished, I might add an epilogue but it will be pure fluff and sweetness. sorry about the mistakes I have some brain damage that fucks with my words like Fitz. I hope everyone has liked this as much as I have writing it, please leave me comments and kudos.


	6. Epilogue

Last night Clint had stayed in Phil's room,  neck covered in marks making it apparent what the two of them had been doing. Wearing a pair of the older man's sweatpants he did a walk of shame into the kitchen. Clint's arm was still held in a sling and Phil had refused to do anything physical until at least the stitches were removed. Carefully pouring himself a cup of coffee Clint smiled at the various signs that were put up when Nat and him arrived. The first one written in Daisy's messy scrawl read Don't feed Barton after midnight or leave food unattended. The second in Phil's measured handwriting warned people against giving Nat and Bobbi any booze. He heard a chorus of voices behind him.  


“God damn the view is mighty fine this morning,” Daisy catcalled as she sat down.

“Leave the poor man alone to get his breakfast in peace,” that sounded like Fitz, the Scottish kid that had a love for electronics rivalling Stark's.

“While Fitz has a point, agent Barton does have quite a nice back,” Simmons the English girl who'd walked in on her boss kissing an avenger replied.  


Clint turned round with a suggestive grin plastered on his face “it's always nice to find people who can admire my physique, at the Tower I have too much competition in Thor and Cap.”  


He flexed his arms for the girls, couldn't disappoint his fans. Clint noticed Phil walk in, wearing a perfectly tidy suit and not looking like he just got laid last night. Phil's eyes zeroed in on Clint's chest, after that he may have shown off more than necessary. Watching as the older man nearly walk into a wall he burst out laughing. Grabbing some cereal he settled down next to Daisy. Coulson looked like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Stalking past them he huffed at the coffee pot being empty, as he started another batch Clint whispered into Daisy's ear.

With a glint of mischief in her eye she asked “So am I allowed to know what happened in Milan?”

the battle hardened Director turned around, his face had come out in a blush. Clint got a reproachful glare, “did you have to mention Milan to her, it was not a good mission.”

“Not from what I remember, ever get that stain out your suit?” Natasha  slipped into the room silently, wearing an oversized t shirt stolen from Clint years ago. Rubbing her eyes she snagged the cup in Phil's hand and downed it in one shot. Coulson just sighed and went to pour another cup.

“Why did I ever agree to have them around again, oh right because I need them even if they act like feral cats,” Phil mumbled to himself.

“we love you too Boss,” Clint snarked back. The kitchen started filling up with more agents and the warm sound of people echoed in the room. Phil stood beside Clint, arm around his shoulders, he kissed the top of his head. Life could now move forward for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's all done now, I might expand on Natasha and Bobbi's friendship because I my headcanon is they are bros that become stupidly dangerous when drunk. thanks again for reading my work


End file.
